Oh God....

God can only help me now....
My grandfather's life is in your hands Lord....
Please take care of him...
Please Lord, give him strength to stay strong...
Please don't let him fall into Death's hands....
Please...please......

Church

Sundays are suppose to be the days where we go to church and worship the Lord, right?
Well, this morning I wanted to go to church because I want to give my blessings and prayers to my grandpa who is having an operation tomorrow.
But then, my mum isn't wake up, she even said, "come sleep with mummy...." I was like, "No, I have to go to church today." and she said, "Don't want lar~ stay with me..." when she says that, she means making me stay at home and doing nothing till dinner.
I had to go to church, it's been a long time since I've went there....
But my brother has to prevent me from waking her up. He used a pillow to hit me when I try to wake her up.
In the end I had to raise my voice, then I got scolded and questioned, "Why the last time I want you to go to church and you didn't even try to wake up? Why re you making us go to church now? Pipes up my irritating brother.
For one reason I couldn't answer her, and I had to say my second reason, which was giving my offering to god so that he can give my part of my blessings to my grandpa, I know it doesn't work that way, but it's worth a try...
I love my grandpa... I don't want anything bad to happen to him during the surgery...
All I can do now is pray and hope.

Studies...

I always had good grades for my studies, well, some of them.
I love art more than anything, okay. I make things and draw things. I love to do all things related to art. But that doesn't make me not study.
Today my dad complained that I don't study and I shut myself up in my room the whole day, only God knows what I'm doing inside.
Well, truth to be told, I WAS doing my homework, not studying, this school's subjects need not be studied. After that I was drawing out something. And then there was dinner time an I had to go down to help.
I purposely spent one hour in the kitchen washing up the dishes which my mum didn't bother help.
I always keep myself busy from my dad in case he asks me something personal... I hate it when I'm left alone with him, because he asks me things which I am reluctant to answer.
Anyways, I studied okay! It's not like I don't study in school too! Weekdays are supposed to be relaxing days, I had a headache just by looking at crumpled up words!
Plus, he never bothers to look at my report cards. He never bothered about my grades in school. He wasn't even listening when I told him my working pace was constant ever since I met Jonathan!!
What can I expect from him? He is not a man to listen... When he's furious, he's terrifying. I don't want to be there if he does... He can make me cry when he says, "Didn't you ever studied this?" or "you really didn't study at all!"
It hurts when I know I did study that but I made a mistake in answering them....
He rarely forgives...

Perverts

Yesterday night I thought it was a joke, my mum pulled up my short skirt IN FRONT OF THE ROAD to check whether I was wearing a shorter shorts inside.
IT WAS SO HUMILIATING AND SHAMEFUL!!!
Plus!! My house has CCTV which had captured the full view of the act!!
She said nothing to apologize!!!
I was sooo angry!!
But I had forgave her till today again.
THIS TIME MY DAD DID IT!!
Firstly, I wore short skirt again to go out, but before we go, my mum told me to wear a pair of tights, I changed. I was fine with it.
When we went out, my DAD suddenly LIFTED UP my skirt AGAIN!!!!
As a reaction, I slapped his arm pretty hard, luckily I didn't slap his face, I wanted to. My mum said, "Why did you slap your dad so hard?!"
Then I said, "He lifted up my skirt in public, how do you want me to react?!"
Then my mum replied, "Nothing to see what..." and Went in the car.
In additional to my anger, my dad didn't even apologize!!!!
HOW THE HELL DO YOU WANT ME TO REACT TO THAT!!!
You are just lucky you are not a stranger!!
Or you'll never have father's day ever again.
But AT LEAST!! Show your own daughter some RESPECT!!!
Doing such a humiliating and shameful act to your own daughter, IN PUBLIC TOO!!
and the worst is NOT APOLOGIZING FOR IT!!

I can do nothing against it...

There is nothing I can say to defend myself....
NOTHING!!!
It was Friday, we just came back from dinner, today the teens are having a meeting like every other Fridays, I was the only one there whose parents won't let me go...
I asked rather politely whether I can go for tonight's meeting or not, my mum says if there is time then she'll let me go.
We were coming back the Curve and by the time we reach Puchong, it was 9:53 it was exactly at that time when we reach the flyover bridge in front of Giant.
I asked again, in case she forgot, to fetch me to teens meeting. She said rather rudely, "no lah, so late already go for what?"
And my dad pipes in and say, "No! Don't let her go, it's late already and she needs rest."
I was so pissed and disappointed and on the verge of angry tears. I had to keep my cool, I had no choice, or they'll suspect something is wrong... I can't let them know...
I could do nothing against it... I can do nothing about it... Nobody can help me.... Accept for god... But nothing was done... I tried praying that I'll reach there in time for the meeting, it worked, but I didn't forsee this was gonna happen....
I went back home and had discovered at least someone cares.... Yes, you. You know who you are :) Thank you for caring, "if you know what I mean" (;
I was happy. So happy to see that someone cares... :') so very happy.... :)
And I'm sorry for not coming... I tried my best, but arguing with my parents is not gonna happen.. I'll lose.. I'm sorry... :'(

Insulting

Guess what will a son from a racist family will say to his sister?
"Are you a racist?"
That's what he said to me, and you know how insulting that is when I have a boyfriend who is an Indian????????
IT IS VERY INSULTING!!!
And when I screamed at him my answer, he said "I was only joking...geez what's wrong with you?"
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH ME???
YOU DARE ASK WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH ME?!?!?!
YOU HAVE JUST FISHING INSULTED ME AND MY BOYFRIEND!!!!
And then there's another member in the household, she asked me yesterday to go out in the slight rain to look for the owner of a rooster who had attacked our chicken, and guess what time it is? IT'S SEVEN THIRTY IN THE EVENING WOMAN!!! AND YOU EXPECT ME TO SEARCH FOR A CHICKEN AT THIS TIME?!
You're just crazy.
And then there's another who is not satisfied with how the way the meat is cut!!! How stupid is that?!?!
Well, I tell you this, if you are not satisfied the way how your meat is cut, why don't you give a hand to the kitchen?!?!?!
Some people are just so hard to please...
And only some stupid people will ask his sister whether she's a racist or not.
OBVIOUSLY I'M NOT A RACIST!!
I'm dating an indian for goodness sake!!
How could I be a racist when I love people or who they are??

Throwing a fit

Can you believe it or not? I've never thrown a fit, either verbally or emotionally... XD
Some people would have at least did it once or twice already in their lives, but I didn't... Not even once..
Why? I was taught to never show my emotions to people easily... That's why I'm also known as the quiet girl... And sometimes, being silent is not golden.. People will start to call you a freak...
I've seen many people throw a fit... It's scary... I don't know how will I be able to do that...
Maybe I will do that one day.. Just not now...
I wish I can throw a fit... Then maybe I could get back what I've lost...
Well.. That's a wrong thing to do that's for sure..
I can't imagine myself throwing a fit or even hyperventilating...
I mean, what's the point of throwing a fit??
You get hypertension, hot temper, and blood circulating too fast in your head that you'll get dizzy.
If you punched a wall or something just to get your anger out, what's the point?
All you'll get is a red fist!
Why not soothe the soul with some good words? :)

Plain irritating...

Hey, I get your point that you were trying to insult him, but there's no need to remind me that what I'm doing now is "WRONG".
I know that you are just plain mean though you say you don't mean it, I get your point woman..
Is it a crime in loving someone other than my own race now???
Though I don't study law, but I think there is no such law on you can't marry a person different than you are.
Isn't marrying people different than me is the point of being different in this world?
You are just plain selfish, keeping me all to yourselves and not sharing me with the world!!
Sure, you can give me everything you want to keep me inside...everything that I asked to keep me busy from communicating to the world..
So what if I talked to him privately? It's not like we are planning to have sex in a hotel isn't it??
Something's are just not meant to be heard to other people.
I have grown up! I'm not a kid anymore!! I'm 16 for goodness sake!!
Why can't yOu just leave me to do my own things like a mature lady?!

Locked up...
Elaine