The day before convention

It was a really stressful day.
I'm having some self reflection.
Packing for the day.
I am controlling my thoughts, so I wouldn't give myself excuses I could lose to them.
Just because that other people have training everyday doesn't mean I can't beat them too.
Just because they have piano classes doesn't mean I can't play as well as they do.
Just because they are good doesn't mean I can't be better than them.
I tell this to myself so that I won't make excuses to myself when I lose.
I tell myself.
If I don't win this it's okay. Because I could win in others.
But if I don't get medals back.
I'll have a hard time.
I scare myself mentally so I can do well in convention.
Don't blame me if I sound weird to you.
I was brought up this way.
I prayed before I sleep.
I pray for a miracle to happen.

This reminded me of last years convention.
It's just that you weren't here.
It's okay. I pretend that you are. Just that you are sleeping in the dorms that's all.
I still remember those days clearly.
I miss you.