Just a little bit sad...

I'm just talking to myself..
I am. So don't get me wrong :)
I'm just a little bit sad... Just a bit...
He wiped my entire existence off his profile.
Well I guess he's happy this way :)
I'll just stick to the game by playing dumb. Pretend I know nothing about it.
Pretend I'm not sad and I don't care...
But inside I'm just sad..
Just sad to think about it...
Well... I know I deserve it after all.
Luckily he can't wipe my living existence from earth. Thank god for that ><"
I deserve all of that.
After all I wanted to be friends..
It's for his safety after all I don't blame him for blocking me..
I wish I could just poke him just one ><
I miss him so much...
I wanna just distract myself.
Because my heart just aches.
Aches when I think about it.
It's sad... How everything turned out this way... It's my fault. After all I was desperate to stay on. I want him to make me promises... promised he would tell me at the end of the year...
But he didn't tell me... He didn't...
But I knew he doesn't want.
I just wanna hug somebody till the day ends.
But I can't show it. My sadness is too much to express. It ached too much till I wanna cut it all off.
I just wanna talk it all off. Talk till I don't wanna talk about it. Cry till I would stop thinking about him. It's almost a year. Since that day.
I know it wouldn't be the same.
I would be a stranger again then.
Till he notices me again one day.
I'll be too afraid to have him mine again
Too terrified to love him again.
It has became a habit.
He came within reach.
To call, to talk to.
But I know he would hate to do it.
I didn't want him to stop the things he's in. So I kept in the dark. Just hoping he would just see my name in the contact, whatever name he put for me.
It has become a habit.
I'm used to his avoidance.
Too used to his behaviour till I'm terrified to have him mine.
But as long as he stays that way hating me. I'll just stay on feeling ever the same since the first day.

I'm the dumbest person in the world.
For a guy maybe.
Cause I was bonded to him.
I'm a very committed person, if you can't stand seeing me serve you, then don't have me, cause I love making people happy.
At least I'm not dumb enough to make him notice me killing myself.