Out..

It's almost ten months since I get out from my house..
It was the first time ever after that day..
Since you left... I never found a reason to go outside.. I wasn't allowed to anyway, I was banned from going outside remember?

I see parents going out with their kids..
I see fathers playing with their sons..
I see kids playing with kids...
I see owners with their dogs...

I'm out alone..
Wandering about..
Running from home, hoping to go to some other place, your home was nearby, I was just within reach, you have no idea..
My father is in the mountains...
My mum was a cat in the house...
I was the only kid walking alone...
Wandering aimlessly...
Searching...
Hoping...
That you would just change your mind..
Coming over to meet me...
Just like last time...
Hoping.. And hoping, standing where we stood like an idiot.
Walking where we walked like a dog who lost it's master...
I wish my heart and mind could just throw away everything..
But I tried..
It just stick on closer like toffee..
When one memory flashed before me,
You have NO IDEA, how many more flashed past.
I would tell you, you would never believe me.
Eight months of memory flashed back.
Like someone had amnesia and suddenly got their memories back.
It was like I second for 8 flashes..
I counted.. Cause it's happening everytime.. That's why I can't forget..
Especially you..

I'm hoping someone better would just get me out of my misery..
My endless moping world..

I'm keeping myself busy to avoid thinking about you.
Especially when I'm making chocolates.
I have no memory of you linking to chocolates.
Only to caramel and toffee and bittersweet caramel.

But my mum stopped me from making chocolates anymore.
It's not like I can stop her...
So I stopped. And the flashback happens again and again...
I would be dazed for a while, everyday, cause too many flashed past before my eyes.
I just hope, better memories would cover them up, and let my heart learn it's too late.

But my heart was stubborn anyway.


A note of get well soon:
Get well soon Zack :D