Broken...

Ever lost someone you love so much? :(
I did...
I lost him.
I lost my Lover.
I lost my Beloved Symphony.
I lost Jonathan.
My tears can't stop flowing.
They won't stop.
Even when I'm asleep they'll fall from the corners of my eyes.
When I'm thinking of you, tears just leak out of my eyes.
I can't turn it off...
Not when I know you are not mine anymore...
Please come back Jonathan...
You were my EVERYTHING. When you leave me... My happiness will be gone...
You were always there when I wanted to see you... Though you may not know it.. The first day I came back from my vacation, the first person I saw was actually you. Your mum drove past us on the other side! I'm not sure you realized it... But I'm so happy!
Ever since I came back, the first person that I wanted to see was YOU!!
YOU, and no one else!!
I thought we will last till death brings us apart...
I thought we could go through any obstacle together, like always.
You can tell me anything, you can be straightfoward with me, tell me if you don't like what I'm doing, I'll change...
Tell me if you want me to go to church more often, I'll try my best to how my presence there.
Tell me if you hate me, I will change for you because you hate me.
Tell me if something is bothering you, we can work it out together, I'll try to fix us back together like nothing happened...
Tell me if you are sad, I'll make you smile 
Tell me if I'm wrong, I'll make it right.
Tell me if you are angry, I'll be there if you feel like shouting or yelling at someone.
Tell me if you feel like crying, I'll sit beside you and give you my shoulder to cry on. 
Tell me if you feel sleepy, I'll give you my lap to lie on and sing a song too if you like.
Tell me if you need a listening ear to listen to you, I'll keep quiet and listen to what you have to say.
Tell me if you feel moody, I'll try to make you laugh. 
Tell me if you are happy, so both of us can be happy and laugh together 

If you keep every problem to yourself, how am I suppose to know what's bothering you, I know you are sad, I can feel you are upset, but I don't know what you are thinking when you are upset, 100million things can go through your mind like lighting and I'm suppose to hit a bullseye at one, which might be the wrong problem that you are not seeking for help...
I love you Jonathan, you are the BEST thing which happened to me, I'll remind you again and again if I have to, because I love you...
I love you, I don't want you to be sad.
I love you, I don't want you to be angry.
I love you, I just want you to be happy and carefree.
You know it, you've experienced it, we can go through this together, all I need is you.
You know it, when you are gone, I'll be weird, I'll be worrying, I'll be sad, and I'll be emoing. You know it... If you don't, you do now :P
They laugh at me for being a silly douche who waited for you by the window for your return from the clinic from lunch till it ends..
I got laughed at again for waiting for you at the staircase to greet you good afternoon and welcome back to school when you were gone for half the day...
I don't mind doing all that stuff. Because I'm doing it for you, they are like my daily routine since I have nothing better to do than to sit around like a dumb blond... Even my supervisor pulled me to the senior class to mix around and talk.
When you left me, I don't know what else to do! You filled my free time in school and in my life. When you left me and I'm at home, I'm alone, ALL alone, shut up in my room doing nothing but my homework and not daring to come out in case my mum comes and attack me. Before that, you were there when I'm at home, you chatted with me on skype, you facebooked me, called me on the phone, annoyed me, texted me and was there with me.
I enjoyed everything I did with you, even tuition was much more fun now, I don't stare at my book for five minutes before I get one question done.
If we weren't together before we started convention, I'll be the weird outsider girl who never talks.

What's there to laugh and talk about when you are not there to insult and annoy me and laugh with me??

NOTHING.

I was preparing something special for you on Christmas...
I guess it won't work out when you are not my goal anymore...
I wish I was given the power to read your mind...
You frown when you are upset.
You don't smile if something is bothering you.
I just want to know what is that irritating question bothering you so I could push it away and bring a smile on your face again!!
I want another chance with you again, I'll be better than before, please forgive me for everything I did to you, nothing more, I'll won't do what you don't want me to do, I won't do it, tell me what you need, I'll try my best to give it to you, I'll be there for you.
God, I'm begging you, please let me have Jonathan back.
Please come back...
I need you...
Please please please....
Let me have Jonathan back, I'll promise I'll be a good girl.
Please just let me have another chance....

Why can't everybody just accept that humans are not separated by colors.
Why can't they just agree to something and the world would be a peaceful place.
Why can't they just agree on one thing and the world would be a better place.
Why can't they just accept that some individuals are made for another person.
The world wouldn't have problems.
Family wouldn't break apart. Lovers wouldn't need to break up.
Love never fails right??
Why is my family coming apart then???
You marry my mum for a reason, it's because you vowed that you will love her for life.
You marry my dad for a reason, cause he's the dream husband that you wanted.
You gave birth to me for a reason, so I would be loved by someone different in this world for who I am.
I was instilled by your sir name for a reason, so that I would be the tag that my lover would find.
God created us for a reason, because he created the world that he so loved and gave his only Son for us so that he would die on the cross for our sins.
Jonathan was born for a reason, so that he could meet the world later in life to honour God and receive love like his father and mother did.
Why can't my dad accept Christ??
Just accept that this one guy who is God's only son had died for the world and tries to make it a better place.
Just accept that it wasn't the Indians fault that Jonathan is a "black". HOW MANY TIMES DO I NEED TO TELL YOU THAT JONATHAN IS NOT BLACK!!!
We were all once White people. Only when after the Flood the continents got separated and they become tan people because they worked hard under the sun for us Chinese people.
They are not meant to born to serve under us. They choose who they want to serve and they'll do it. Some people serve Chritianity and Buddistism. God can strike down those who didn't obey him and worship him down like how we kill ants in a single swipe. He can easily do that, but he didn't, WHY??
Because he loves all of us no matter who or what Color we are...
What if no one is meant for me except him??
What if I was doomed to be single if I let Jonathan go??
I know God has prepared someone for me in life, but what if that someone is Jonathan??
If he's gone, it's like... My time has stopped.. I heart keep aching.. I dull thud, throb, and poke, every time I think of you. It's true!!!
Don't worry what other people say against us, you can listen. But they can't control what you really choose to choose or what to really think...
I don't want to end up like my mum.
Who gave her vow of love for life and virginity to someone who she loves and wanted a divorce after three years...
I don't wanna be like her, I wanna be better than her in this. I can show her and my dad not only Chinese people are MEANT TO BE WITH just Chinese people. I can show them that love has a far greater power than that....
Please Jonathan...
Don't leave...
Give me another chance...
I'll be better than last time...
Please...
Don't...
Leave...
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I Love You...