Scolded.

I got scolded twice within 4 hours.
Scolded for stupid things...
Scolded for doing a right thing...
Scolded for a doing a kind thing...
I'm so sad today...
:'(
Firstly I got scolded by being too kind...
My family and I were walking back from the mall. One car was following us to our parking. The couple wanted to park our space. We got lost for a moment and found our car at the opposite side. I motioned the car to go to the other side. And then my mum got so pissed she yank the trolley and hit against both car side mirrors... I tried to stop her and she started scolding me for being so slow....
I was.. Only trying to be kind...
And I got scolded all the way out for 10 minutes... Saying things that I'll get kidnapped if I stop to give directions to strangers and all those crap....
Why are they being so.... Ugh...
Nvm.... They are just over protective that's all... That's all.... They'll change...
One day...
Then I got scolded for not being caring for my mum cause my church is having an event I said I would go help since last month...
My dad scolded this time kept saying I'm so inconsiderate and ignorant about my mum. She's going for a surgery. I'm not saying what surgery. But its not important. My dad said he never stopped me from going to church.
I wanted to scream at him saying " YEA SURE YOU DIDN'T STOP ME!!!! EVERYTIME I WANTED TO GO TO CHURCH ON FRIDAYS, WHO WAS THE ONE WHO STOPPED ME FROM GOING HUH?!?!?!?!"
But no. I kept quiet.. Just quiet... Silently crying.... Crying cause my heart hurts so much...
My dad kept scolding for 20 minutes.
Kept saying the same thing. Saying What's so great about the event, the event is nothing compared to my mum.
It is a church event.. I told him, I told them I would go and help on that day...
And he cuts in and say, "Ei it's your mum here going for surgery. Your event is not so important"
I'm so sad...
I'm so sad...
So so sad....
I'm still hurting inside.....
How can he say those words... About my church.. It's not like he's a christian.
God... God... God... Please... Take away my sadness... Take away my tears.... God....
I'm so sad....
I wish... I just wish there would be someone out there... Who could endure with me my sadness of the past.....
Someone.. Who can just hug me and just let me cry all my sadness out....
I just wanna let go of the tears....

Too late..

He bought a new phone just a day before his birthday. :)
It was a beautiful White phone..
Similar....
But bigger.
He got the app just a year later...
It was too late...
I wish he got that phone earlier...
Then we could have had more time for each other...
It was too late..
:'(

His birthday..

It was his birthday last week Wednesday.
I tried to make it special. :)
But.. It turned awkward... :(
Sort of..
Well.. At least he ate the cake :D
At least...
He doesn't know I designed it XD
Guess he never knew... :O
he couldn't eat the best piece on top of the cake.. My handmade chocolate Bday sign... I stayed up to made it..
Well, he gave it to the kids to eat..
At least I know it's tasty cause they said it.. :3
I wish he could eat it.. /:

Maybe someday when I make my special someone their birthday cake, they'll appreciate more..
At least he said thank you :')
But I wished he ate the chocolate piece..

Early celebration XP

Today we celebrate Jonathan's birthday early XP
It was supposed to be Wednesday :O
But I know he wouldn't come to school just to celebrate his Bday :)
So I made ordered a special cake for him :)
He wouldn't have a clue that I designed everything down to the last icing :P
Even the chocolate Bday sign.
Well, I'm happy he ate part of my creation(the cake) at least (:
Wished he ate the chocolate though.. /:
But today was the best day ever :D
Cause he said sorry and thank you :)

Hurt feelings..

I now appreciate your chocolate comments more now my dear friends <3 thank you for complimenting how good they are :)


I can believe my dad will say that my chocolates are garbage.........
Just cause my mum asked me to use his fridge to put my chocolates in...
I'm so sad and hurt.... :'(


Thank you again for your compliments <3 I really appreciate them.

Sad..

I don't get it you know..
Last night, I got scolded for tying up my long long long time no see cousin with long hair's hair.
She didn't even smile at my hairpiece..
She didn't even look at it...
She just bark me to go upstairs..
My sudden happiness being cut off.
My tears suddenly well up, and I went upstairs.. And I cried....
It pains me....
How come your mothers will say something good about you?...
How come.. She doesn't see the good out of it...
How come.....
She just doesn't know..
She doesn't know..
It's not her fault..
It's okay...
It's not her fault...

I'll just live on longer...
I wish I could be alone for a moment..
I wish she thanked me for carrying 5 heavy wooden doors for 300meters to the construction bins....
It was heavy...
She didn't say thank you...
It's okay...

It'll be all okay if my friends would just smile at me. :)

Out..

It's almost ten months since I get out from my house..
It was the first time ever after that day..
Since you left... I never found a reason to go outside.. I wasn't allowed to anyway, I was banned from going outside remember?

I see parents going out with their kids..
I see fathers playing with their sons..
I see kids playing with kids...
I see owners with their dogs...

I'm out alone..
Wandering about..
Running from home, hoping to go to some other place, your home was nearby, I was just within reach, you have no idea..
My father is in the mountains...
My mum was a cat in the house...
I was the only kid walking alone...
Wandering aimlessly...
Searching...
Hoping...
That you would just change your mind..
Coming over to meet me...
Just like last time...
Hoping.. And hoping, standing where we stood like an idiot.
Walking where we walked like a dog who lost it's master...
I wish my heart and mind could just throw away everything..
But I tried..
It just stick on closer like toffee..
When one memory flashed before me,
You have NO IDEA, how many more flashed past.
I would tell you, you would never believe me.
Eight months of memory flashed back.
Like someone had amnesia and suddenly got their memories back.
It was like I second for 8 flashes..
I counted.. Cause it's happening everytime.. That's why I can't forget..
Especially you..

I'm hoping someone better would just get me out of my misery..
My endless moping world..

I'm keeping myself busy to avoid thinking about you.
Especially when I'm making chocolates.
I have no memory of you linking to chocolates.
Only to caramel and toffee and bittersweet caramel.

But my mum stopped me from making chocolates anymore.
It's not like I can stop her...
So I stopped. And the flashback happens again and again...
I would be dazed for a while, everyday, cause too many flashed past before my eyes.
I just hope, better memories would cover them up, and let my heart learn it's too late.

But my heart was stubborn anyway.


A note of get well soon:
Get well soon Zack :D