Your so lucky..

Your so lucky to have a mum like yours..

I feel jealous when you can talk to your mum all about stuffs..
Like everything. From boyfriends to lovers to secrets..
I'm jealous that your mum can take whatever crap you told her.
I'm jealous that your mum can let you be hyper and not scold you about it.
But not too much..
I'm jealous that you have such a great dad that can understand you....
I'm jealous that your dad treats you like a grown up person more...
I'm jealous that your parents let you go out with your friends...
I'm jealous when you can go out whenever you want, even when your a girl..
I'm jealous you didn't need to keep secrets from your mum and dad..
I'm jealous that yr mum treats you like a grown up lady and gives you more space...
I'm jealous that your mum doesn't curse you that something stab you by accident...
I'm jealous that your mum doesn't poke you in all the stupid places...


Look at me....
My mum and your mum is different.
Mentioning different mums*
you know what's the stupidest thing I've ever heard?
Not letting me to go out and play badminton.

Your so lucky..
I'm so jealous..
But I know God made it this way so I can be a better person, to train me against all sins.

I know my weaknesses and I know my strength. I know my motivations and my distractions.

For now, I just want to distract myself and be busy.
So I wouldn't think about the Upcoming month. I'll be busy till then.

It has been a long while...

It was January 15 since my last post.

I know it was a long time...
Sorry my friends /:

I guess I wasn't that much interested in paying attention to the time passing by anymore...
Cause I am sure, this month is still February...

But I look again in the calender...
It's almost May.
May.... May... The month of Jonathan's birthday.
I remember the first and the last time celebrating my first boyfriend's birthday.
It was so much fun. :)
I remember it all.
It was lunch time, Tessa and Michelle and Natasha and Alica and me, your ex loveable girlfriend. Plotting to make you go downstairs to celebrate your birthday. I remember it all, whatever you did and said. I pretended to go downstairs to get something. Alicia was the decoy in distracting him. Michelle and Tessa and Natasha was preparing the tables. I signalled them so Tessa could go up and pretend to panic that I fell down the stairs and sprain my ankle.
I remembered what Alicia told me.
Whatever you did upstairs... I wish I could see your face.. :')
Your panicking face... As you hurried down the stairs, John was in your way, but you pushed him away, and ran down like BAM BAM BAM!
I heard your footsteps, and I missed them everytime you run up and down the stairs. You seems to be I'm a hurry. In a hurry to be on my side that time.. Joanne was beside me, pinching me to make me scream and to bait me for you. It was hilarious I was giggling instead of screaming.

I almost laugh when you came down beside me and asked "are you okay?"
Joanne said "she sprained her ankle badly, she fell down the stairs.." she was hiding her laughter.
You were like "you dumbo... Where does it hurt?" I was trembling, but not of pain, but of joy and laughter.
Cause I was so happy that you actually fell for the trap XD

I didn't say anything in case I ruin everything, I just move my hand overt ankle. You said "can you stand up?" I shook me head. Joanne adds in and says, "I'll bring a chair". I could see that she was trying not to laugh too.

I remember so well...
You helped me up with your hand around my waist. Alicia came down with the others, but they are hiding. It was all going according to plan.
You helped me limp to the chair.
I almost flunk it. But he didn't notice. He helped me to the chair and Ms Krystal was there offering to bring the first aid kit. But I said no need. I saw the others trying to squish each other to come down.

Oh, the joy and happiness...
I remembered it all so so well...
I leaped out from the chair and give you a big hug!
I hugged you to prevent you from running away. And the people squeezed in from both stairs and came down and chorused with me. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Then there's presents.. Hugs... Cakes... Cream face... And laughter... And a big smile from you.
Everything... I remembered it all..
I can't seem to get rid of it.. The memory.. But I know it'll make you angry. So I'd decided to keep it.
You'd hate me if you know about it.

Maybe you say your changed now.
I don't believe you. But I know you didn't hate me as much as that day. :')

I was really really happy today. Because... You smiled.. To me. <3

Thank God.

Thank God you are alive :'D
I guess you must be pretty pissed at those guys... /:
Who wouldn't?

I want to know what happened.

But I can't ask..

Or something bad will happen
I'm so worried.

Thank God you are safe. :)

You can't hear me say this to you.

I really want to call you now.

To text you.

Just to say.

Thank God you are still alive .

Day 5..

Whines**

When are you coming back???~~
DDDx

Today is Christmas

Christmas is today.
I wasn't expecting much anyway...
I didn't know the days to Christmas till last last night... /:
God, for Christmas, I want the world to live in peace and harmony.
Jesus, for Christmas, will you be born again and live with us eternally? 
If its possible, Santa, all I want for Christmas is him talking to me again.
I wish we could sit together near the fireplace and roast marshmallows under the mistletoe.
I wish we could sit together and watch mushy mushy movies XD
I wish I could cuddle up to you on the couch and recall back together the times we spent throughout the year.
I wish you would come back from India, your so far away...
I wish you would talk to me again..
I wish you could be my friend again...
I miss you... /:
Badly, to be precise.
Very badly...
Well... At least you know..
Maybe you didn't anyway..
Sigh. Boys.
I hate knowing facts..
It screws up my thinking... /:

Humble

Papa... 
Why can't you have a humble heart papa?
Papa, God's words are not crap papa.. Mama is not filling my mind with crap, papa. 
God, forgive my papa for saying your Words are crap... 
Papa, in order for people to serve you well, we must serve other people well..
Why can't you understand it papa?
Money is not everything papa...
What if anything happens to your money?
Money doesn't last papa, we earn money when we can.
Papa, you don't like it, cause you are not used to serving people papa.
Papa, please don't scold...

SAT

He had an exam that Saturday..
I really really wanted to wish him good luck... I really do..
He wouldn't like it anyway...

Better not say anything or else my wishes turn to bad...
He might not concentrate well after that... Better keep my mouth shut for a while...
But I'm praying that he'll do well though, and praying good results for him :)))))
I'll wait till after the results, and I'll wish him congrats. :))